If you want to get your ex boyfriend back, don’t spend time on mistakes of the past. Rebuilding a relationship is a forward and getting stuck on past trials and tribulations only causes unnecessary problems.

You may find this point of view a bit different. Shouldn’t we look at the past to figure out the problems? Won’t this provide us with the information to prevent another break up after we reunite as a couple?

The answers to those questions: No, no, no, and again, no.

You don’t need to be the CSI of relationships to get your man back in your life. Actually, that kind of focus on the past can cause more problems.

First, focusing on the past can lead to a kind of paralysis by analysis. With all the thoughts and details from the past, you can get so overwhelmed that you don’t take action.

Secondly, more than likely the reasons for the breakup probably don’t have much to do with the problems you’ll find and beat to death. Break ups usually stem from a multiplicity of factors that combine to create a certain situations under a particular set of circumstances.

Third, looking closely at the past leads to a mindset that is counterproductive. Instead of focusing on the big picture factors that can help you get your ex back, you spend time trying to come up with systems that help to solve small problems. Your time could be spent in better ways and your solutions probably won’t work anyway.

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Were we happily married, and my son had just left to college. The marriage seemed strong and going so well, until my husband, Jim, sat me down and said, “Honey, I want a divorce”. I was horrified, but also to eager to learn how to get my husband back before I lost him forever.

On my journey to find answers, this is what I learned:

Although I still loved him and wanted to learn how to win my husband back, I saw that I needed to stay strong and not let him get the upper hand. During our separation I did not want to be the one crawling back to him, so I decided to play hard to get, and make him realize that he was the one losing out here, not me.

When he starts showing signs of wanting to get back together, then talk to him about it and figure out how to win your husband back. But during the separation, it is important to remember that your husband needs space, so keep the conversation, without bringing in too much baggage. Phoning him, or sending the odd message will help you remind him about the good memories you share, without making him feel claustrophobic.

And if you play your cards right, he may start showing some more interest in you, giving you the opportunity to remind him of the fond memories you share. In figuring out how to get my husband back, I did not talk about the any of the bad times we had, or about any hard feelings I had towards him. If I had, it would have given him a good reason to finalize the divorce.

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