It doesn’t really matter how far gone you suspect your marital relationship may be right now. If you have the desire to try and rekindle the emotion and spark that was once there, then it is time to reconsider the way in which you communicate with your spouse. The fastest way to fix marriage problems is to change the dialogue that is exchanged between the two people.

What you want when you initiate a conversation with your spouse is for them to relax and be open to what you have to say. Yet, most people actually approach the conversation with a tone that is too rough or accusatory and essentially puts the other person on guard instead. This is not deliberate, but it is why so many people do not understand why their spouse doesn’t respond to them well.

It is highly likely that you are doing this without knowing it. Something as simple as the tone of your voice or the exact words chosen to express a feeling can shut down the line of communication before it actually opens.

The problem is that there is such a surge of raw, painful emotion that lurks behind every conversation a struggling couple has. In order to push past this, you have to first recognize it is there. Then, you need new strategies to get your spouse to drop his/her guard and have a real conversation that can lead to healing action.

First, make sure to initiate conversations at a time that is convenient and comfortable for your spouse. Don’t approach them right after they walk in the door from a hard day of work or as they try to figure out how to get all the bills paid when the checking account is short.

Second, make sure that you do not phrase things that point a finger or even slightly hint that you are upset or they have done something wrong. This will immediately put their guard up in expectation of a fight.

Finally, take the time prior to this meeting to figure out exactly what you want to say, or even write it down. Carefully phrase every single line so that you never state things that place blame. You want to just focus on yourself and your own feelings. Stating your love for them is another great move.

This is not a definite way to fix all of your marriage problems overnight, but it can in fact set a new tone for the way you communicate with one another so that future conversations are more healing and less conflicted.

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