No matter what the situation, no matter who is leaving whom, divorce makes a person feel like something major has failed. When you stand up in front of a pastor and promise to stay together through sickness and health until death do you part, and that promise gets broken in some way, it is a bad feeling.
There is healing that takes place after a divorce, but first there is grief, even if the divorce is something that should have happened a long time ago. It takes quite awhile for this process of healing to be completed and in that time, people are vulnerable. It is a time for reducing every other possible stress in life so that the healing process can happen.
In order to prevent the effect of a rebound relationship, a divorced person should not engage in any new relationships. Doing so will inadvertently keep the divorcee from separating from the ex-partner psychologically and lengthen the period of grief and emotional instability.
The key to dealing with divorce in the long run is to make the experience of grief and hurt actually stand for something-learning. Without developing insight into what the problems of the relationship were that led to the divorce, no matter who had the primary issues, people are likely to repeat the psychological dynamics. For example, a person who leaves a violent relationship should be getting out of that kind of situation, but is at risk for getting into another violent relationship.
Tags: relationships
