How to Deal with Male Competition when Meeting Women-I
Written by Vin DiCarlo on July 29th, 2008Have you ever avoided talking to a woman just because she was talking to another guy?
Or maybe you fear of getting embarrass if you approached a group of girls with one or two guys with them because you ASSUMED that those guys were cooler than you.
Most guys shy away from approaching women who are with other guys for a couple reasons.
They assume that the girl is “with” the guy, and assume he’s her boyfriend.
This shouldn’t be the basis of not talking to a woman. Especially in a social setting like in the bar, where people meet other people. Plus - that woman is not a “slave” of the guy or a piece of property, she’s a human being and is free to whomever she chooses to talk to.
Approaching a woman who is “with” a guy often will make you look extremely confident, and draw out his jealous side, making him look insecure and weak.
The other reason guys don’t approach women with other men points to a deep insecurity based on a simple misconception.
Guys assumed that the “other guy” is stronger, cooler, or somehow more powerful than they are. Men tend to be threatened by other men.
This comes from an ancient survival strategy that had been fixed into human brain.
In any given interaction, its often hard to tell who the more “dominant” person is. So when a male is confronted by another male, he doesn’t know how dominant the other guy is. The social hierarchy is very subtle, and mostly unconscious.
He doesn’t know if he will be embarrassed verbally, or as was probably common thousands of years ago, beaten up.
To assumed that the guy is a threat is the safest way to play. Because guys that are too bold may have won a few confrontations, but it will take them a single mistake that can end up their game.
And then their genes were eliminated from “race” so to speak.
So the guys who played it safe, and avoided confrontation usually lived long enough to reproduce and survive.
The irony is that most of approach anxiety nowadays have the basis on this hard-wired survival strategy - the false assumptions of the guys will lead them to unnecessarily avoid women.
Here is the thing, mostly when you see a girl talking to another guy in the club or bar, she’s not WITH him.
Usually, they JUST MET!
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve approached a woman thinking she was “with” a guy, only to find out he was some random dude who just approached her. Or he was just a friend or relative.
I think of all the times I completely avoided talking to a woman because I saw her with another guy. I regret having missed so many opportunities. Which brings me to my first point:
DON’T ASSUME THEY ARE TOGETHER UNTIL YOU SEE PHYSICAL EVIDENCE. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO THE WOMAN.
You will know it if you try to act and find out. Just remember that in time that they are together you should be alert an respectful, the guy may be the insecure jealous type and may start a confrontation.
So use your head - just don’t limit your options by making false assumptions.
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Tags: dating
